I’m often asked for my top advice for people that are just beginning the adoption journey. Here are my top 3 tips for hopeful adoptive parents.
#1: Complete Your Home Study
There are very few parts of the adoption process that you will have control over. One thing you can control is the speed in which you complete your portion of the home study. It’s the first step to adopting and I highly recommend that you complete it as soon as you decide you want to adopt.
In my experience, some people delay because of the concern that their home study will only be active for a certain amount of time. This is true - in California, your home study is good for 2 years. BUT, if you haven’t received placement within that time, you just need to have your home study updated. It is a relatively easy and simple process; it’s not like you are starting from scratch. If you are serious about adopting, the benefits to completing your home study now far outweigh the risk that it will be out of date by the time you welcome home a child.
I think having your home study completed also demonstrates to expectant parents considering your profile that you are committed to this. You’ve done the paperwork, you’ve attended adoption education classes, you’ve met with a social worker multiple times, and you are ready to adopt. You are objectively validated and approved to be parents by a licensed adoption agency. That sounds better than, “oh yeah, we’re going to get around to that at some point…”
#2: Tell Everyone You Know That You Want to Adopt
You never know how you might connect with an expectant mother, so I always tell people to spread the word to anyone that will listen that you are interested in adopting. You would be very surprised how many people match with expectant mothers through their own network. People seriously doubt me when I say this, but it’s true. It usually goes something like this: “my friend’s cousin’s hairdresser’s client’s granddaughter is pregnant and considering an adoption plan for the baby. She knew that we were interested in adopting a baby so they put us in contact with her…” I’m exaggerating slightly, but so many people are connected to you through your network that it would surprise you.
Even if you are using an agency, facilitator, or consultant, it does not hurt to share your adoption plans. Social media is a very useful and efficient way to get the message out to your community. A post about you and your hopes to adopt can be easily shared and forwarded, which increases the chances of connecting with an expectant mother that is considering an adoption plan. If you are not comfortable sharing on social media (no shame, I wasn’t either), still spread the word to as many people as you can and are comfortable with. The more people that know, the more likely you are to connect with an expectant mother looking for an adoptive family.
*Side note about self-matching (i.e., connecting with an expectant mother outside of an agency), I highly recommend getting a lawyer and social worker involved as early as possible in the process to ensure that the expectant mother is provided with all the support/resources/eduction/counsel/etc. she needs, which in turn, ensures the most successful adoption for everyone.
#3: This One is Specific to You:
What would you do now if I told you that you were going to have a baby next month? Ok… Do. That!
With both of my adoptions, we had very little notice before the baby came home. With my daughter, we matched after birth, and with my son, we matched a few weeks before his birth mom’s due date. Once baby comes, everything will be different (AMAZING, but different). Whether you are about to be first-time parents (which is life changing), or about to add another child to the family (which is life changing), do the things now that you won’t likely do when you have a baby. So what is the one thing you would do now, if you KNEW a baby was on the way? Then that’s the thing you need to do!
Is it taking one last vacation? Finishing the bathroom remodel? Going out to dinner without needing a babysitter?
Obviously you have to be conscious of your budget, particularly if you have been fundraising for the adoption, but I’m sure there’s something you can do now that your future self will thank you for doing before the baby came. Even if it’s just to SLEEP IN! Ugh, I can’t emphasize this one enough: sleeeeeep while you can. I miss sleep so much and now that I have two young kids, I don’t regret one single day that I slept in. Not one!
I hope these tips are helpful on your adoption journey. As always, wishing you the best of luck!