My husband, Ryan, and I always knew we wanted a family. It sounds cliché now, but we actually joked about having kids together on the night we first met. We began trying for a baby shortly after we were married in 2013. After several unsuccessful years, an exasperating “unexplained infertility” diagnosis, and a very brief stint trying fertility medications that I reacted poorly to, we were feeling drained and a little hopeless. We made the decision to stop any further fertility treatments, which was a difficult one to make but also a relief in many ways. We had long talked about adopting, and had friends who adopted, so it felt right to finally start pursuing adoption in early 2016. For years, it had been sad to discuss our unsuccessful efforts at starting a family. But once we began looking into adoption, we had a renewed excitement for what was to come.
As it does for many people, our adoption process started with a lot of internet research, talking to others that had adopted, and attending adoption agency and facilitator information sessions. We settled on a local facilitator that was highly recommended by our friends and also felt like a great fit for us. We officially went “active” and began waiting for a match in August 2016.
Waiting for a match was incredibly difficult for me. In a way I felt like I was expecting, but I had no idea when my baby was due. I have a type-A personality and struggle when I feel like I am not in control (I’m working on it!). We were told to continue to live our life and that it will happen when it is meant to, but that is so much easier said than done. I spent the entire time thinking that we could be matched any day, so each passing day felt like a bit of a let-down. We planned some trips, but I did not feel comfortable planning anything too far in advance because I would think, surely we will have a baby by then. Then the time for the trip would come and go with no baby. Ultimately, we waited one year, two weeks, and six days.
Finally, on a Tuesday night in September 2017, we received a phone call from our facilitator informing us that we had been chosen. After learning everything our facilitator knew about the birth parents, we asked, “When is the baby due?” “Well…” she responded and then paused for what seemed like an inordinate amount of time. “The baby is already here. She was born yesterday and is being discharged tomorrow. Can you come to the hospital tomorrow morning?” We were overwhelmed and had a million thoughts running through our heads, but we did not hesitate for a second. “Yes, we’ll be there!”
The rest of the night was a blur and we did not sleep a wink. Luckily, we had purchased a few baby items during the wait period, so we had some essentials (the car seat, a stroller, a bassinet, swaddles, bottles, lots of gray onesies, etc.). My parents just happened to be in town visiting, which was such a blessing. My dad and husband installed the car seat, while my mom and I made lists of everything else we would need to get the following day if the baby came home with us.
The next day, 14 hours after we got the call, we walked into the hospital with my gym bag as a makeshift diaper bag and not knowing what to expect. We sat and talked with the birth mother for a few hours and instantly connected with her. We laughed, we cried, and just spent time getting to know each other. I felt as if I had known her for a long time. We had many things in common, and for many reasons, we all felt like this match was meant to be. We left for a while to give her time to be with her family and make the final decision. After a brief wait, she confirmed that she wanted to go forward with the adoption and that she wanted us to be the parents. It was such a surreal feeling that is hard to put into words. We were overjoyed with excitement at becoming parents while simultaneously feeling heartbroken for this amazingly selfless, mature, and brave woman and her family.
After several hours at the hospital, we finally got to hold our daughter for the first time, which was the most amazing moment of our lives. We took her home the same day, less than 24 hours after we got the call.
Everything happened so fast and was such a whirlwind, but I would not change anything about our story. During the wait, I spent so much time wondering why we were not being chosen. But now I know. We were always waiting on this specific child and her wonderful birth mother who would choose us to be her parents.